How are you all doing ? I am doing great since I am back to school. Today me and Lockhart class -(My class) Had to pick out a piece of writing that we had done. That we are happy with and we had to re check our work before publishing. Thanks to my teacher she printed out a student proofreading and editing checklist which was quite cool and was much easier to use. I choose to choose Flying 2 because I liked adjectives that I included it that piece of writing. Here is my piece of writing. Thanks Bye
Flying 2
The bird enormously flies high into the sky. Gazing with its lovely yellow, luminous, eyes at it’s target. He continues to fly. As he landed thinking it was its target he struck his head on the bulky tree branches.”OUCH!” the bird yacked. That didn’t really matter to him, what mattered to him was his prey. He bravely stood up and continued searching for its prey.
Flying confidently the bird didn’t take his eyes off his prey. He jetted to his target landing perfectly with no damage. He made his way to his raven. But what he didn’t know was that he was mistaken and had discovered something else which was plastic. His face suddenly turns as sad as a black stone underneath the sea.
He flies back up into the sky joylessly and then spots another prey but this time he made sure it was not just an old piece of junk. He asked himself “why do I keep being mistaken with an old piece of junk?” As he was flying he spotted another prey. He wasn’t gonna play around this time. He put his serious face on then he scampered over to his prey. He glared at his prey as if it was a person.
He dashed over the sky like a superhero as he kept his eyes on his prey.
As he landed where his prey was at he was assuming to find the right thing . He found his prey. As he grabbed its prey with its beck he globbed it. It was a Rodent that looked as delicious as a worm to him . He put a smirk on his face and then headed back home. It was probably the best day so far he has ever had in his life.
Gaylene
wow i love your nice and great so carming reading it i havent really reed all of it but still i know that i will love the rest of the story.
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ReplyDeleteKia Ora I'm Abd from room 25 at Owairaka District School. Wow! That some fascinating writing. Great job. I Like how you've described the life of the bird. Maybe you could add some pictures or things to get the viewer's attention.
Thank's for sharing!
the comment above this comment is the link to my blog.
Blog ya later
Hey there Abairahman,
DeleteThanks for your blog comment. I like your feedback. I will for sure add
some pictures next time. Bye thanks :)
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ReplyDeleteKia ora Gaylene, My name is Milo from Owairaka district school. I like how you have put lots of detail into your writing. It's good that you are sorting writing in Paragraphs. (a tip to make your writing better) Try to add pictures that relate to your writing and insert them in to show a reader something entertaining to see. Hey! Good job! Keep up the great work bLoG yA lAtEr.
ReplyDeletep.s heres my blog. Check out my blog
Hi there Milo,
DeleteThanks for your blog comment towards my writing.I like how you gave me a tip for my next time writing. I will for sure put in pictures next time. Thanks:)
Hello gaylene my name is Zudais from Owairaka School, i really liked your writing i have done loads of things like this, But i was wondering if next time you could add a more catchy title, and can you also put what you found challenging and what u coukd improve.if you have time you should check out my blog heres the link https://odszudais.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteHi there Zudais,
DeleteThanks for your blog comment. I really like your feedback. I really like the idea of a more catchy title. Thanks bye :)